listen. i’ve tried every possible method to understand what meghan mccain does for a living. ive combed the archives. ive consulted the mystics. and all i got is “paid to sigh loudly while holding a starbucks cup.” tremendous work ethic
life hack: instead of doomscrolling yourself into a frothing pit of despair at 3 AM, try dedicating those precious minutes to the ancient, time-honored art of masturbation
thank god for the crypto visionaries who heroically declared “we’re leaving banking & finance in the dust” and are now huddled in a panic room, clutching a single american flag, whispering “we simply cannot innovate without first being kissed on the forehead by the new president"
this one goes out to my lone wolf dudes on their $20k motorbikes with their little backpacks, zoomin’ around like they’re on a quest
I know I’m not up to date on youth culture but why does every dude on TikTok have this haircut
Male pollsters just found out women are mad about abortion bans, and now they’re shocked they didn’t see it coming. Incredible detective work, boys—Nancy Drew could never
Look, I could be wrong about tomorrow.
I’ve been very bloody clear that I think based on my analysis, the polls, the vibes and the trend that it’s going to be a Harris victory.
But if I am wrong, I’m okay knowing that I had the guts to make a call instead of sitting on the fence like a coward.
okay hot take incoming why not just watch it yourself
Think of it like this: if your thoughts were guests at a party, would you cram them all into one crowded room, or would you give them space to stretch out and breathe?
My Object Pages system (gift link)
buddy i’d love to follow your train of thought but it’s a 60-car pileup. congratulations on losing the plot, the map, and the ability to be normal online
goodnight to all my co-conspirators. you know what we did.
running a rapist on a platform of “make women miserable again” and then looking around slack-jawed as women line up to vote against him is just peak political acumen.
these guys couldn’t win a chess game if they started with all the pieces.
oh wait.
they did.
hey here’s an idea let’s destroy reproductive rights, put a sex offender on the top of the ticket, and then throw a motherfucking tantrum when women don’t vote for us
My psychiatrist says I need to “let people in.” Little does she know, I haven’t locked my door in 17 years. Anyone could enter at any time, and they don’t, because deep down, they know… they KNOW… they can’t handle the kind of derangement happening in this haunted domicile
why is everyone acting like “waking up before noon” is some kind of “accomplishment”? my life’s purpose is to lay dormant for 18 hours then rise at dusk to become a menace to local infrastructure. sorry if that’s “inconvenient” for you
for what it’s worth the Dangerverse is better than the MCU and the DCU combined
the Venn diagram of people who yell at writers for having paywalls and people who pay a steadily increasing monthly fee to Spotify + Netflix is a circle
SEC investigation? bullish. prison time? bullish. cellmate named brick who wants my private keys? extremely bullish
The answer to the question “how dumb do the republicans think we are” is “about as dumb as they think their own supporters are”
incredible that after 70 years on gods green earth, trump’s only real skill is yelling into the void and hoping someone hands him a cheeseburger