MY ECONOMIC POLICY: every citizen gets three briefcases. what’s in them? could be money. could be wasps. solve my riddles three to find out
PSA: being obsessed with Harry Potter well into your 30’s is not a personality
the New York Times editorial process: Start with “Some say,” add “Critics argue,” and finish with “It remains unclear”
Call me delusional if you want, but I’m 100% convinced Harris wins in November. Defeatists can have their doom scrolls—I’ll take hope, thanks. If I’m wrong, feel free to roast me, but it’s still better than hiding an ‘everything-is-fucked’ bunker. ✌️
the mainstream media keeps telling me ‘2+2=4’ but my uncle terry says it’s 5 and he’s never even been to college. this is why im voting for the brave trump man
just found out about lobbying. so you’re telling me you can just walk into congress with a big bag with a dollar sign on it? and this is legal?? im getting my wallet
goodnight to all except the moon. you know what you did
Disney: “paint with all the colours of the wind” James Cameron: “Blue.”
james cameron spent 500 million dollars to teach us that white guys can in fact dance with wolves but in space
the beauty of crypto is that instead of getting robbed by a bank, you can get robbed by a 15 year old in latvia who named his smart contract “SafeMoonCumRocket”
social media activists will spend 9 hours crafting the perfect quote tweet to ratio a stranger with 12 followers but cant muster the strength to say “hey thats not cool” when uncle steve starts ranking ethnicities at dinner
“Cancel culture is ruining everything” says the crybaby who boycotted Nike over a Colin Kaepernick ad
You can now follow any of the individual streams on The Index to get specific social-first news in your RSS feeder, filtered by your exact interests - IE, Russia, The US, Nuclear etc.
More feeds coming.
If your work collapses when Instagram or X fails, you don’t have a platform—you have a dependency.
the founding fathers didnt have twitter and that makes me absolutely fucking sick. imagine george washington having to communicate through pamphlets like a peasant
extremely proud to announce that i remain UNVERIFIED. im so unverified that when i look in the mirror my reflection is just a bunch of question marks. cant even verify my own existence. no blue tick. powerful
if it walks like a fascist and talks like a fascist, maybe it’s time we stop hesitating to call it a feckless fucking Nazi
“Trump gave the assholes a voice” as if your uncle randy hasn’t been getting hammered & ranting about lizard people and gays at every thanksgiving since 1985. the posting never stopped
I don’t think I’m better than you I just think you’re worse than me
Age 6: I want to be a firefighter Age 27: I want to not have a panic attack before checking my emails